the_chappy | (no subject)

Current Mood: in need of brain bleach

(no subject)

After his chat with Chase (and a few shots of vodka), Ryan makes his way back to the flat. He's willing himself not to think about anything he just saw or discussed, hoping that eventually he'll convince himself that it never happened.

It's not working yet but he's going to keep believing. Unlocking the door, he steps into the flat. "Elaine?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"It is."

He can tell she's not sure what to say, he's not sure either. Even with a few days to think about this, he still doesn't know how he really feels.

"I'm not angry." That much he does know.

"Well, that's good," she says, smiling a little. "If Chris is happy..."

But she knows it's not always that simple. "Are they taking things slowly, at least?"

It's a big step, after all.

"I think so." They'd have to, since Chris having a husband who was dead to the world a few months ago would be a bit of a shock to those who knew her.

"They're not going to tell anyone outside that they're married. They've decided to wait till they make it official."

Elaine smiles. "I think that is a wise decision on their parts. It will be difficult enough to start their new life, after all, without shocking the rest of the family."

She looks up at him. "How are you feeling about all of this?"

"I don't know," he confesses.

For a long time, at least since Chris and Jack got back together but maybe before that, he'd knew how they felt about each other.

"Jack's a good guy and he loves Chris, I know. And she loves him. I'm glad that she has that. But..."

It's never that simple.

"Jack has so many enemies. Here and outside. Even if he never goes back to CTU," which is a big if as far as Ryan's concerned, "he'll always have people after him and after Chris like they were after Kim and Teri. She will always be a target."

Elaine nods, smoothing her hand over his chest idly. "It'll always be a danger," she says softly.

"It certainly doesn't help."

She wishes, certainly, that things were different. "So...we'll just worry, then. And try not to, and fail miserably."

There isn't anything else to do, really.

This actually makes Ryan laugh - a little. There's nothing more he can do but worry and hope, frustrating as was.

Hugginh her close, he lays a kiss to her forehead. After a moment, "How have you been?"

It's not an idle question, he knows this time of year isn't an easy one for Elaine.

Elaine closes her eyes. "It has been...all right. The normal nightmares and such. It wasn't as bad as last year."

But then, lots of things were going on last year that aren't going on now.

He nods at this, absently rubbing her arm.

A relief, though he knows what her "normal" nightmares" are and wonders how they could ever be tolerable.

"We're coming close to the date, aren't we?" It was hard to be sure, with no calendars.

Elaine hasn't looked at a calendar in weeks, but she knows. "It's today, actually."

If Elaine were holding on to him any tighter, it might be called 'clinging', really.

"But it's all right," she says softly. "We're still here." And if he weren't still here, she'd be a lot worse.

The clinging hasn't gone unnoticed.

"We are," he agrees softly, even though the door is still there and it was a matter of time.

All he could hope for was that they'd go over the threshold together, leaving her again wasn't an option.

Shifting slightly so he could rub her back, Ryan asks, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know what there is to talk about," she says softly. "You know the whole story."

Even the embarrassing things. And most of it, really, is embarrassing now.

"I just...I miss my family very much, and moreso on this day than on any other."

"Anything you want to talk about," he says gently, not to press the issue. If she didn't want to talk, that was all right too.

"I know." More than that, he understood. It was something he felt everyday.

"I wish it weren't so...I wish I didn't have to leave to see them. And sometimes I just miss all of it, and I'm...homesick."

She closes her eyes and sighs. "Not that I don't love our home, but..."

"It's ok." She didn't have to explain unless she wanted to. "I wish there was a way you could see them again."

She smiles a little. "I know." She closes her eyes, and smooths her hand over his chest again. She sighs. "I sometimes can't believe how long I've been here. It seems so short and so long at the same time."

"When I first arrived, I never thought I'd start thinking of this place as home." Not when all he wanted to do was leave.

"I wasn't sure you ever would, either." She grins up at him. "I like to think I played a part in helping you feel at home."

He smiles right back at her. "You are the reason this became home for me."

She blushes brightly, but keeps smiling, and pushes herself up to kiss him softly.

He kisses back, lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb when he pulls away to whisper, "I love you."

"I love you," she whispers back, kissing him again. "Come to bed?"

It's late, after all, even if Elaine isn't precisely sleepy at the moment.

"Gladly," he murmurs in-between kisses.

Standing, he holds out a hand for her.

Elaine stands and takes his hand, weaving her fingers in with his, and leads him back to their bedroom. Once there, she stands on her toes to kiss him again, while pushing the door shut with a free hand.

There's a soft laugh, and the door closes with a tiny click.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only