(no subject)

[the_chappy]

When they lived in Virginia they had a tree like this one, large with deep roots and low-slung branches. He had added a tire swing, the kids wanted one and it seemed to fit with the whole package ... two kids, a house in the suburbs with a backyard and a large tree. The kids wanted a treehouse too but the upper branches were too close together to make that possible. Besides, it was too high up and it made him nervous. Not that it ever stopped Chris or Ryan from racing as far up the tree as they could go.

He could hear someone laughing and was brought back to that backyard in Virginia where it was Chris' laugh and she was right near by. Safe at home and he'd never let anything bad happen to her.

His mind veered between the remembered past and the imagined present. Days of teaching her to play baseball, stargazing, soccer games and vacations mingled with memories of reports and his own knowledge of what happens during interrogations. It was no stretch to imagine what was happening to her now, what could happen, the horror bolstered by the truth.

Ryan took one breath, then another and found it hard to breathe deeply without concentrating. Everything he had of her was in the past. Every moment and memory were all relegated to the past tense and soon that would become the new normal. A future he never wanted unfolded before him.

Even then, it was cold comfort to the knowledge that she'd likely never see her family again, that if she were alive she'd spend decades as a hostage until her eventual "suicide". His only hope was that he might see her again here and even that was a slim chance. Beyond that, he had nothing.

Comments

[agirllost]

She nods, her eyes wide with hope. "What did he say?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"The news isn't as good as we hoped," he tries to say gently.

He could see the hopeful look in her eyes and deciding it would be better to get this over with, Ryan continues before Kim can say anything. "The Chinese captured your father. The group seperated once they entered the prison... Sharpe has no idea what happened to the others left behind."

[agirllost]

"No."

Her body trembles and she holds up a hand trying to push away he news.

"No. Not -- " She takes a step backward, "Oh God."

'I should have gone I should have gone and they're, oh god Chris and Chase and Tony and and...'

"Ryan," she swallows. "I'm so sorry."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He looks down at the ground and takes a shaky breath. "I'm sorry too, Kim."

Maybe he should try to say something encouraging but that seems cruel. His daughter was in there, her fiancé and father were in there.

Maybe preparing themselves for the worst was smarter than driving themselves insane with empty hope.

[agirllost]

She remembers from research at CTU things that the Chinese government did to spies and her stomach turns as she tries not to think about those things happening to some of - if not the - most important people in her life.

"Ryan," her voice is slightly panicked and she can't stop herself from reaching out and holding onto him. "I'm so sorry."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Gently, her grabs her upper arms. The movement is partly reflex and partly worry that she won't stay standing otherwise. "It's not your fault, Kim."

[agirllost]

"I know," she whispers. But it's the only thing she can say - because she's apologizing for the world, for fate, for the Wheel.

"They - they're not coming back, are they?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

They're not.

The reality of the situation they're in hit him again. He might not see Chris again here or even in the beyond. At most, he might find out what happened to her and even that might be too much to hope for.

Shoulders slumping with defeat, he shakes his head. "I don't think so."

[agirllost]

'You're not supposed to say that you're supposed to say of course they will and things will be okay and no, that's Chase -- '

Her throat hurts as she tries to swallow. "No -- "

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He rubs her arms in a comforting gesture before dropping his hands. Anything he'd say to make her feel better would be a lie.

"I'm sorry."

[agirllost]

She stares at him for a moment, feeling nothing, wondering why moving suddenly seems like too great an effort.

"They - they're all gone?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan gives a limp shrug of his shoulders. "Sharpe said they were all still in the prison as far as he knew. They haven't come back to the bar."

He doesn't add that keeping them all alive would be too much of an inconvenience if they can't get information out of the captives. They both knew it, there was no point in saying it out loud.

[agirllost]

"Prison." She closes her eyes. "He doesn't...doesn't know?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

A rueful smile passes over his lips. "He though they made it back. He didn't know until we spoke that they hadn't."

[agirllost]

She covers her eyes with her hand and nods.

"Does he know...where they are?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"No," he says, a note of frustration in their voice. Since talking with Sharpe he had replayed their conversation in his head a thousand times, looking for anything to hold onto.

"He just mentioned a mine in China."

[agirllost]

"China," she repeats. And she's tried and failed to get through to any of them with telepathy.

And they won't be quick deaths and they'll hurt them.

"Large country."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Hundreds of prisons. That we know about."

Assuming they're being held in China. Assuming we're dealing with the government and not some splinter group. Assuming they're being held in a prison and not shuffled from home to home. Assuming they're even still alive.

[agirllost]

Her lip trembles and she can barely see through her tear-filled eyes. "Maybe they'll - after - "

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

It seemed almost impossible that they wouldn't and right now all he wants is to see his daughter again. He needed something to hope for, even if some pessimistic part of him said it wouldn't happen and he'd spend years waiting by the door for nothing.

"Yeah." He couldn't say more beyond that as his throat grew tighter and it was difficult to breathe let alone talk.

[agirllost]

"I - I have to tell Angie. I can't - how can I tell -- " She takes a shaky breath that turns into a gasped sob.

She might never see any of them again and the thought of that is starting to make it difficult to stand.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I don't know."

Memories of having to tell Caiti her mother had passed on came to mind. He wondered how she and Ryan would find out about Chris - or would they find out? Maybe they'd wait year without answers, always wondering how their family had shrunk down to two people in the span of several years.

[agirllost]

'Why can't you lie to me? Just tell me they'll come back. Don't make me have to face this.'

She wraps her arms around herself.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Kim," he puts a hand on her shoulder, "maybe you should go inside and rest."

[agirllost]

Sleep is the last thing on her mind. But she nods because she knows this isn't helping either of them.

"Okay. Thank you Ryan."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He almost apologizes again but stops before the words pass his lips.

"Take care," Ryan says instead, hating this feeling of helplessness.

[agirllost]

'This isn't fair. This isn't fair. This isn't fair.'

She nods again, resists the urge to hug him, and holding herself tighter, walks back to the bar.