the_chappy | AU: Curiously Transgendered Thread

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AU: Curiously Transgendered Thread

With one last drag on his cigarette, Ryan drops it on a stone and snuffs it out under his foot. His hand immediately goes to the small pack of Camels beside him, reaching for another. But when he opens it, he finds it empty.

Sighing, he collects the small pile of cigarette butts at his feet, dumping them back into the carton. That done, he takes a long drink from his water bottle, his throat dry.

He could go back inside, he'd have to eventually, but he won't. Not after that incident with Chase.

Absently, Ryan pulls at the flared cuffs of his jeans. At least this time, he wasn't stuck in dresses and heels. The bar had given him jeans, a tank top with some sort of shelf bra-type thing sewn inside and a short-sleeved black shirt. Or blouse. His shoes were simple black slip-ons.

He hadn't had a chance to cut his hair again so Elaine had pulled it back into a ponytail. Something she probably found weirder than he did since he'd at least been through this before. He's been determined to hack the damn thing off but that was until he ran into Chase and now, Ryan would prefer to let him think it was Audrey he'd run into. Unfair, maybe, but so was the fact that he was a woman. Again.

The fact that he wasn't the only one should help but it didn't. Not really. His beautiful daughter was now his handsome son and that just made him curse Milliways a little more. Though Chris didn't care. She had mentioned that Jack had run into the same spell but Ryan hadn't had a chance to see him yet.

At least Elaine was still the right gender. Not that it made much difference right now.

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Jack steps out of the bar, needing to get away from everyone. He'd had about enough snickering from various people he knew, particularly when he didn't have the upper-arm strength to really do some damage when he punched them.

It should be some comfort that he's not the only one this has happened to, but that doesn't make it that much easier to deal with the snickering. At least Bar's given him some sensible clothes, even if the cut of the jeans and blouse he's wearing is a bit more clingy and form-fitting than he's used to.

As he steps outside he spots someone familiar and for a moment he's not sure if he should go over to the person that looks like Audrey or not. It's not like he wants Audrey seeing him like this. He spots the cigarette in the Audrey-alike's hand, though and after a moment, it clicks.

He hesitates for a moment, then heads over. Might as well get this over with now. "Hey, Ryan," he says, still not used to hearing a higher voice coming from his own mouth, or having to brush longer strands of hair out of his eyes.

Ryan hears an unfamiliar and unmistakably feminine voice behind him. Turning, he looks at the slender blonde he's never seen before but seems strangely familiar. Something in the expression on her face, the way she's standing even her voice.

He racks his mind for a few seconds even though, instinctively, he has a pretty good idea of who "she" is.

"Jack?"

Jack smiles grimly. Of course with his new features, it might look less threatening than it usually would. "Yeah. You got hit too, I see."

"Yeah. Again," Ryan says flatly, resting his arms on his knees. The damn thing about it, aside from the obvious, was he couldn't even laugh at the fact that Jack was a girl. Not that he really would have.

Much.

"Any idea what did it?"

He knew it wasn't a witch.

"I think it was those breath mints, but I don't know who decided to provide them. Trust me, I'd like to know," Jack says, darkly, crossing his arms over his chest. Of course it's only times like that that he remembers he has a chest. "How's Elaine dealing with this? Has she been switched, too?"

Resting his head on his hand, Ryan grumbles, "I'm never eating a piece of candy from this place again."

Running his fingers through his hair and quickly getting annoyed when it pulls strands from his ponytail, he huffs, "No. Thank God. And she's... dealing with it."

She was concerned but, this being Milliways, Elaine seemed to be taking it in stride.

"I saw Chris."

Jack's mouth narrows. "Yeah. I'm not sure whether that makes it better or worse." For one, it's put a crimp in their love life.

For another, she's taller than him.

"I guess it's something that at least she knows what it's like." Instead of, you know, pointing and laughing. "What did she say?"

"Nothing much. Just told me what happened to her and mentioned what happened to you. Wanted to see how I was doing." He pulls at the foil lining in the box, frowning when he catches sight again of his long nails and tapered fingers.

"Anyone else?"

"No one that we know, at least that I've seen so far. I haven't seen that many people from our world in the bar today, though. Thank God." He doesn't have a clue how Kim's going to take this. "Have you seen anyone we know in the bar, that I should know about? People that haven't...changed, I mean."

"I saw Chase." By saw, Ryan means "literally walked into". Normally that would have just left him with a slightly sore shoulder but now 50lbs lighter and feeling like an awkward teenager in this body, it knocked him to the floor.

Chase, of course, was apologetic and helpful. (Damn him.) He tried to help "Audrey" up and apologized profusely. Somewhere between his embarrassed smile, the warmth of his hand on his and being struck by how much taller and stronger Chase now was, Ryan realized he was attractive. Not in the oblique way he knew other men were attractive because they were healthy or symmetrical or whatever. But in the way that his skin tingled at the touch and he almost wanted to smile when Chase did. He was attractive because in this body, Ryan was attracted to him.

With a horrified look and without saying a word, Ryan ran out of the bar leaving Chase confused and calling after "Audrey".

"He's normal."

"I guess I should be glad that if he sees me he won't know it's me unless I tell him." Right now, pretending to be someone else entirely is sounding like a great idea. Though perhaps not, considering some of the thoughts that had flitted through his mind on seeing some of the other men in the bar. "Have you heard anything about how to get rid of this?"

That makes Ryan glance down at his hands again, once more playing with the cigarette box. "Maybe. Elaine might have heard something. I don't know."

Elaine had heard something. Which had brought them to a bit of a problem for obvious reasons. Though she was as anxious as he was for Ryan to be back to normal and pragmatism was winning.

"I don't know where she heard it from."

Jack eyes Ryan a little suspiciously. First he said Elaine might know something, then he said he didn't know where she heard it from; which sounded more like she had heard. "So she did hear something, then?"

He glances at Jack out of the corner of his eye, giving a slight nod. "Yeah, she heard something."

"And that something would be?" Jack asks, a little irritably.

Ryan opens his mouth and... closes it again. He just can't get the words out, it's too embarrasing. It would be better if he just did this quickly, like ripping off a bandage.

In one swift movement, he grabs the collar of Jack's shirt and pulls him close, kissing him with more force than finesse. A thousand images flit through his mind, some not entirely unwanted and he tries not to think too much about the feeling of Jack's lips against his or the taste of his mouth.

As suddenly as it started, Ryan breaks off the kiss and looks at Jack.

"Shit!"

It all happens so fast Jack can't absorb what's going on, and then suddenly Ryan's mouth is on his, his tongue is in his mouth and something shorts out in his brain, so that by the time he thinks to push Ryan away, Ryan's already let go.

Jack gapes at Ryan for a moment before he finally asks the obvious.

"...RYAN, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

Ryan just gives some strangled cry of disgust and grabs his water bottle, suddenly needing a drink. Only that too is empty. Angrily tossing it aside, he puts his head in his hands and stares directly at the lake, as he says, "It was supposed to fix it! Elaine said she heard kissing someone else who had been switched would fix it!"

Technically, it was "swapping bodily fluids" but there was no need to put a fine point on it.

"Yeah, well obviously she didn't hear that right! Christ, Ryan, you could have given me some warning!" Jack says, spitting into the grass. Oh God, where's someone with magical powers to wipe your memory when you need them?

"Oh, like you would have gone along with it!" he says, turning to look at him for a second. Grabbing his things, Ryan stands, not bothering to brush the grass and dirt from his pants. This wasn't as bad as last time but it was quickly getting there.

"I'm going back inside. There has to be a wizard or something who can fix this." Obviously, the kissing thing wasn't working and he wasn't trying again.

"Yeah. Ryan," Jack says flatly, "This never happened." Not that he really even needs to say it. It's not likely Ryan's going to tell anyone, but then at least if he was wondering, he knows Jack won't.

In complete agreement with this idea, Ryan mumbles, "I don't know what you're talking about," before stalking off towards his flat.

There, he tries to explain in the vaguest terms possible how he knew that the kissing thing wouldn't work. Elaine frowned and then with a sigh headed out towards the bar. A half hour after that (later, he would find she stopped to talk to several people about how to fix this) there was a knock at the door. A tall, young, blond man with really, the nicest blue-green eyes that Ryan had ever seen was standing at the door.

"Can I...?"

He didn't finish that sentence, before he could, the man stifled a laugh and pulled him in for a kiss. For a moment, Ryan couldn't do anything and, to his horror, found himself kissing back. It took a couple minutes more before his brain kicked in and he pulled away. When he did he was struck by vertigo and a strange feeling like he was moving up in the air. Catching sight of his hands, now bigger, he looks down at his body and runs his hand over his head, finding only his short, thinning hair rather than a long ponytail.

And as for the young man, now only Elaine stood in front of him. Her long blonde hair cascading down her shoulders and the too-large clothes hanging off her small frame, she just smiles. "I said it would work!"

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AU: Curiously Transgendered Thread

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